Back to my yearly obsession

Yes, the open season for health benefits. Why such an obsession? TTC. When I was TTC with Brendan I had no coverage for anything fertility related. I could have waited to TTC and switched insurance, but patience has never been a virtue of mine, and well I wouldn't have had this little monkey if I'd waited until 2002 to TTC. But although I love BCBS, I can switch to GHI which has covered unlimited IUIs and 3 IVFs, although knowing my luck the year I'd decide to switch would be the year they decide to cut benefits. It's a big decision because the GHI costs alot more than the BCBS and I don't think has as good benefits as BCBS in the areas besides fertility. I really have to know I'm going to use it for TTC to make the switch. So is 2006 the year? I figure if I saw the RE in January and then started TTC in February the very earliest I would give birth would be late fall/early winter. Brendan would be about 4.5. I think he's emotionally ready for a sibling and has in fact told me he wants a baby in the house when he's 4. But the logistics might be better to wait until he's in school full-time when he's 5. I don't think my mom is up to caring for a baby and a 4 year old. I so don't want to have to get a nanny, but there really isn't good infant daycare near me. So maybe waiting until 2007? Also, what to do when the family support really isn't there? I mean I know if I did TTC again, that my parents would be supportive but my mom really doesn't think I should have another child on my own and I don't think really wants to take care of another, but wouldn't want me to have other childcare. I hate this.

Then it always comes back to the TTC vs. adoption. TTC with the insurance would be so much cheaper but if I adopted I could adopt an older baby or toddler. My mom would do better with an older child or if she couldn't I could get decent daycare without needing a nanny. But the $$ are an issue and I think I'm still working through some of the issues of foreign and transracial adoption.

This darn open season, it stirs up all this crap every year. And here I am 4 years after I last was TTC and still no closer to making up my mind. Almost every one I know with a child Brendan's age has another already or is pregnant, even some of my SMC friends. I want another child now, I don't want one. I feel completely ready for it, then I balk. Damn, how does anyone ever make this decision?