Honesty

Casey's post about trusting people had me thinking about when should we be honest with others. Do we tell someone something that might hurt them if we're not sure it's true? Or even if we know it's true, is it still right to tell them if they'll only be hurt by the knowledge? I guess maybe it depends on the person. Some people I think want to hear truth even if it hurts while others I know prefer not to. I wish it were easier to know what to do. I always waver on this since there are times that I have preferred to live in ignorance when knowledge could only have been painful.

Also I read a great essay in the NY Times Magazine this Sunday about honesty.

This recognition was real but initially fleeting. Later my friend ribbed me for what I'd said. When her ribbing irked me, I retorted: "Well, it's true, isn't it? I mean, we all do die alone."

She shook her head and smiled. "Honey," she said, "true has nothing to do with it."

She said this with her usual calm forbearance, but in the turn of an instant I went away from youth. Being young I had needed judgment to make myself distinct; because honesty was the way to judgment, I said whatever came to me, thinking the speed and plenty of my words made them true. I'd confused honesty with expedience.

And the way to the future was illuminated. From now on the task would no longer be separation and difference, no longer the sculpturing of a self to be distinct from other selves. From now on the task would be to find happiness in a crowd.

Yes, yes!!!! As I've gotten older I've found that while I don't hold back as much for fear of what others may think of me when I offer an opinion or information, I do think more of the recipient's feelings and needs. We don't need to say exactly what we're thinking just because we're thinking it. That's not honesty, it's verbal masturbation at someone else's expense. We should think before we speak and we should "honesty" is never a reason for rudeness or to inflict hurt.