Harder and easier at the same time

Megan, the wonder babysitter came over yesteday. She is a gem. No she's a GEM!!!! She's a very sweet girl, interacted wonderfully with Brendan and charges only $15-$20 for 2-3 hours of sitting to boot. But what amazed me even more was that from the moment I told Brendan that Megan was coming to play with him he seemed really exctied about it. This is the child who would cry when the doorbell rang at the thought of someone coming in her house. The child who would scream "no" when a stranger tried to talk to him. The child who upon meeting his beloved Wiggles last year screamed Toys R Us down and in a sea of babies and toddlers was by far the worse behaved. The child that our pediatrician actually gave me a referral for a therapist last year at this time to deal with some of these behaviors. And here he was so excited at the prospect of a stranger coming to play with him. On Saturday morning at breakfast he finished before my mom or I did and kept trying to get down from the chair. I told him if he didn't sit until we were done that Megan couldn't come. And he sat. When she came he jumped and shook he was so excited. He took her by the hand and showed her all his toys and barely remembered I was there. He was so disappointed when it was time for her to go and was only mollified when we told him she'd be coming back next week.

Then today we had plans to meet some moms and kids from the local SMC group at the park. He was giving me some drama this morning and I was not looking forward to the long busride to the park and the wait for the bus. But he was good as gold. At the park there wasn't as big a turnout as we expected and all the kids were younger than he was and he wanted to go home pretty quickly. But then he started helping out with the younger kids, comforting one boy when his balloon popped, helping one of the little girls on the playground equipment and encouraging her (and showing off and being a little bit of a daredevil since he could do so much more than the other kids). Even one of the moms who we hadn't seen since June of last year commented on how grown up he seemed and how behaviorally he was a different child. And even though he was pretty tired he was an ace on the way home.

I still find the threes to be very trying, hence the babysitter. The deliberate disobeying, the verbal nastiness, it can drive me bananas. But in so many ways it's so much better than two. I love how he's maturing before my eyes in so many ways. He's so much boy now and so little baby. I'm enjoying him more and more. Especially when I know I have a break coming again next weekend.

Eyes and Waldbaums

What a pair Brendan and I are. His stye is in one of those yucky phases where it's coming to a head and really nasty looking. My mom said today when he was brushing his teeth he was looking at his eye in the mirror and got upset when he looked at his eye. He kept telling her "Mommy will fix my eye." We've been putting hot compresses on it for months, but nada. Knock wood, it looks like the 4 different meds I'm taking are starting to get rid of my multiple eye infections. But I'm not exactly a looker right now. Think we can be cover models for an ophthamologist journal?






On a completely different note, I wanted to talk about Brendan's obsession with Waldbaums. Waldbaums is the supermarket that's closest to us. It's a quick walk, just a few blocks away. During the summers this had been one of my favorite places to take Brendan on really hot days when I needed to get out of the house but it was too hot to play outside. Brendan enjoyed walking around in the stroller, but for the last few months I don't make him go in the stroller or wagon in stores and ohmigoddess, is he obsessed with this store now. He loves to run, hop, jump and skip his way through the aisles. He knows each and every detail of all 17 aisles. We follow the same route each time. We look at the bananas, then go to bakery area where he has to stand up on the ledge and count how many smiley face cookies there are. Aisle 4 and aisle 5 are sometimes closed off and he has to check each time. In the aisle with the tomato sauce he has to comment on the Ragu ad on the floor. He has to check out and comment on every box of cereal. In the same aisle are the magazines where he has to grab a puzzle book to carry. One aisle has caribbean spices next to candles and each time we pass he says "What's this?" and I say "spices". Same things with the candles. And on and on. The same thing each time. And he always wants to go there. We'll go for a walk and he wants to head to Waldbaums. We're at the playground and he wants to stop there on the way home. We come after work and he wants to take a walk there. Tonight I asked him what his favorite place was and he told me Waldbaums. Maybe he could be their spokesperson?

Pampering myself

Why is it always hard to remember to take care of ourselves once we have kids? Why is there such guilt at the thought of meeting our own needs?

On Saturday, Megan the 17 year old catholic girl honors student will be coming to the house to see if she can be my saviour, oops I mean mother's helper/babysitter. I am just so worn out from the weekends. Brendan is up before dawn and doesn't stop until he falls into bed at night. And he's still all about Mommy and wants me there interacting with him all the time. At least when he napped that was a break. But damnit, I feel so guilty about this. I only see him for about 2.5-3 hours each evening during the week and then our time on the weekends and I want to farm out some of that time? Okay, I know if I was partnered I'd have a break or at least not being his shining star every moment of the day, but still. And this is with me even thinking of cleaning or paying bills while he's with the babysitter.

Taking care of mom = happy child, right?

Back to my yearly obsession

Yes, the open season for health benefits. Why such an obsession? TTC. When I was TTC with Brendan I had no coverage for anything fertility related. I could have waited to TTC and switched insurance, but patience has never been a virtue of mine, and well I wouldn't have had this little monkey if I'd waited until 2002 to TTC. But although I love BCBS, I can switch to GHI which has covered unlimited IUIs and 3 IVFs, although knowing my luck the year I'd decide to switch would be the year they decide to cut benefits. It's a big decision because the GHI costs alot more than the BCBS and I don't think has as good benefits as BCBS in the areas besides fertility. I really have to know I'm going to use it for TTC to make the switch. So is 2006 the year? I figure if I saw the RE in January and then started TTC in February the very earliest I would give birth would be late fall/early winter. Brendan would be about 4.5. I think he's emotionally ready for a sibling and has in fact told me he wants a baby in the house when he's 4. But the logistics might be better to wait until he's in school full-time when he's 5. I don't think my mom is up to caring for a baby and a 4 year old. I so don't want to have to get a nanny, but there really isn't good infant daycare near me. So maybe waiting until 2007? Also, what to do when the family support really isn't there? I mean I know if I did TTC again, that my parents would be supportive but my mom really doesn't think I should have another child on my own and I don't think really wants to take care of another, but wouldn't want me to have other childcare. I hate this.

Then it always comes back to the TTC vs. adoption. TTC with the insurance would be so much cheaper but if I adopted I could adopt an older baby or toddler. My mom would do better with an older child or if she couldn't I could get decent daycare without needing a nanny. But the $$ are an issue and I think I'm still working through some of the issues of foreign and transracial adoption.

This darn open season, it stirs up all this crap every year. And here I am 4 years after I last was TTC and still no closer to making up my mind. Almost every one I know with a child Brendan's age has another already or is pregnant, even some of my SMC friends. I want another child now, I don't want one. I feel completely ready for it, then I balk. Damn, how does anyone ever make this decision?

Liberals in training

I had a talk with Brendan last night about how I had to vote in the primary today. I explained that we needed to get the republicans out of office and get a good democrat mayor in office. I also explained that we never, ever, ever vote for the republicans. He asked me, "Are the republicans bad Mommy?", well...... This morning my mom told me that she told Brendan that she was going to vote after she dropped him off at school and he told her "Only democrats Grandma". That's my boy.

My friend Jen, her 4 year old Sami, wheneber she sees Bush, she says "Down with Bush.” And whenever she sees an American flag, she says, “There’s Air America." Gotta get em young.


Edited to add - I took Brendan into the voting booth with me. I let him pull the levers and he was so proud of himself. He came out of the booth and told everyone "I voted for Mommy", lol.

The imponderables

Why does a little boy refuse to poop in the potty or in his pull-up, but then will have no problem pooping in his underwear?

Why does the same little boy have no trouble sleeping until 7:00 or later for his Grandma during the week but on the weekends he is up at 5:30, remarking "It's still dark out."

Why does a little boy who will shove almost everything up his nose including a vitamins and raisins and who's sprayed orange spray in his face, go running from my like I'm committing medieval torture when I approach him with the flonase.

Why do I get e-mails at work asking when I'm going to write a decision on a case when it was already written back on August 16th and a certain manager would only have had to look at the case as it's the document right at the top of the file?

Why at work do we get notified that because they've replaced the plumbing on the west half of the building, that they'll be removing the water coolers on that side of the building, but instead leave the coolers there but remove them on the east side where it's still the same old lead filled pipes?

Why would an oncologist tell my colleague's wife after reviewing one CT scan that she should go home and get her affairs in order because she has only 6 months to 1 year to live, when both the radiologist and the neuroradiologist took one look at the same CT scan and could see that the tumor that caused this dire prognosis was near her spine but not *in* her spine?

If they can make baby shampoo that doesn't sting the eyes, why doesn't all shampoo come that way? And if they can make washable markers and crayons for kids, why aren't they all washable?

Why is it that no matter how much I try and wash my vegetable scrubber I can never get all the dirt out from it? And why would a 3 year old think the same scrubber would be good for scrubbing his face with?

Why do I call every week to notify company who sells the satellite guide that it's late again, to be informed that they're contacting the post office to track the guides, yet it's late or missing again the next week?

Rachael Ray watch out

I think Laurie Berkner is taking Rachael Ray's place in Brendan's heart. He just can't get enough of her music and he's been especially entranced by the new Move to the Music special on Noggin which put together all the video clips she made for Noggin plus a new one. He's been singing her songs constantly. I love seeing how excited he gets from her music. How cute is this -

http://mysite.verizon.net/lauritagoddess/0906victorvitovideo.mpg

A study in contradictions

I was going to write a scathing post about our so-called government's piss-poor response to Katrina, but frankly I don't think I'd be coherent enough so I'll leave that for another day. I could also write about the fix-up I went on last night that I'd had no expectations for but which turned out to be a very pleasant surprise. But I think it's a little too early to for that. Instead I think I'll be boring and discuss the boy child.

He is such a study in contradictions. He is a mini adult and a baby all rolled up into one. This morning he chided me when I commented "oh crap" when noting the gas prices that had increased by a dollar since Wednesday at our closest station. He told me, "No Mommy, don't say that. It's not oh crap, it's oh my." Point taken. At the park he was a little peeved at having to share a piece of equipment with another child. He told me "I can't share. I must not share with the children." When I pointed out that we all have to share at the playground because it's not our equipment, and that the little boy who was climbing up was just a baby and couldn't understand that Brendan was having trouble sharing, he told me "His daddy can get him down and then I won't have to share." Later on at home he was playing with his toy stethoscope and I asked him if he was a doctor, he very seriously looked at me and told me, "No Mommy, I'm not a doctor, I'm just a little boy." Too bad, because in the last couple of days according to Mr. B, he's broken his ankle, broken his tushy, twisted his back, had ear infections in both ears and had a tummy ache. He also told me he has a scientist in his pocket, hmmmmm.

But this same child today was going through the old videotapes and found Baby Mozart. I think I played this maybe 3 or 4 times. He has no interest in it and he probably last saw it well before he was a year old. He insisted on watching it and was mesmerized by it. Really mesmerized. He was especially entranced by the metronomes and kept asking me "what's that? what's that?". I'll have to ask my mom to take hers out, he'll be in heaven. But uh, he's 3. I cannot figure out the interest. I'll have to find Baby Bach tomorrow. He'll probably swoon.

My big boy at the park today.